I have found a fabulous 365 day devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Her words of wisdom couldn't be more in line with Scripture or my feelings today:
"Living in Dependence on Me is a glorious adventure. Most people scurry around busily, trying to accomplish things through their own strength and ability. Some succeed enormously; other fail miserably. But both groups miss what life is meant to be: living and working in collaboration with Me."
Young speaks in her devotionals from God's perspective. It's a refreshing way to habitually commune with God. I have in the last year alone found myself in both positions she discusses -- "enormously successful" while insanely busy, and miserably failing while trying to accomplish things on my own.
Paul reminds us in II Corinthians 12:9-10 that weakness, hardship, and even insults are something to rejoice in, because then, God's strength can shine through. Oh, how I wish I lived this out daily! To not simply ignore, but delight in an insult thrown at me? To be glad about the circumstances that land me in the depths of bad days and bitter thoughts? What a bite to swallow.
And yet, this so deeply resonates with me.
Young goes on to say,
"You consciously live, move and have your being in Me, desiring that I live in you. I in you, and you in Me. This is the intimate adventure I offer you."
It is a glorious adventure, isn't it? Whether I fail or succeed, life without Christ is boring! When I was working full time as public school teacher, I measured success and failure in student's smiles, rising grades, and good administration reviews. I measured success and failure with personal satisfaction of accomplishing these objectives. And when they didn't happen, I failed. I felt no worth.
Probably seems silly. No worth just because a couple kids didn't get my lesson on simple machines? But to me, at the time, it was everything.
Why??
Because I was not living in dependence on Christ. I was depending wholly on myself!!
On the good days, I attributed my "success" to none other than yours truly. When I failed, I had no worth. My failure was all my fault. Every morning was a battle. A long, hard battle wondering whether or not I would have the strength on my own to succeed, or if I would miserably fail.
In my successes, life was predictable. Wake up, work, succeed, repeat. In my failures, life was predictable. Wake up, work, fail, repeat. No wonder my self-worth suffered. No wonder my life felt empty no matter what my standards of strength and weakness were!
Even during these tough days, the Lord was at work. He has taught me over the last six months that living consciously in Him is far more exciting and rewarding than doing life on my own, whether smoothly in success or fearfully in failure.
I praise the Lord today for His Word, His Son, and His everlasting life that gave me the courage and inspiration to write about this today.
If you take anything from this simple blog, take this: my inspiration and courage is not my own. In my weakness, may God's Strength shine through.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
II Corinthians 12:9-10
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